Saturday, October 28, 2006
Listen Up and Pay Attention...when you read...
Ok, by now you’ve figured out a few things about me. I like to rant – a lot! I’ve dated online. I don’t like people who don’t have manners. And like you guys don’t get women, well, I just don’t understand men – and I don’t pretend to! With that said, here’s more food for thought….
When it comes to online dating, all of these services ask you to fill out a profile. They ask you a bunch of questions about yourself and who you’re looking for. Why do they ask you who you’re looking for? Two reasons: (1) so in their computer system, they can try to match you with someone they think you’ll get along with based on the information you fill out; and (2) so that others can match themselves to you based on what you’ve filled out.
Now, it’s the second reason that really bothers me the most when it comes to most men who date online. Why, you ask? Because, as with most everything else in life, you men just don’t pay attention to what we women have written or said. (It’s the same thing with asking directions – you just can’t seem to do it! What’s up with that?!) All you do is see a pretty face and you immediately respond. Even if the headline screams “Single Black Christian Female, 34, seeks Single Black Christian Male, 32-39” (by the way, not me, just an example), you guys – no matter who you are – if the photo is pretty, will respond – if you’re 22, 50, Latino, Jewish, Protestant, Asian, whatever! You just don’t bother to take into account what we’ve written or who we feel our perfect match is. And then you get defensive if/when we don’t respond by “stalking” us…constantly IM-ing us while we’re online or sending us unwanted emails or “teases”.
Well, I’m here to tell you once and for all – you’re not the shiznit that you think you are! And if you think you’re going to get our attention by annoying us to death, you’re not. Most of us know what we want and that’s why we’ve posted it. If you’re that dumb that you don’t take the time to read it, that’s your own damn fault, not ours. So take a moment, you’ve paid the membership dues to get a date, read what we’ve written. You might actually find the person you’re looking for, if you just pay a little attention.
And one last word of advice, this goes not just for online, but also when you’re in the relationship too. Pay attention – it goes a long way.
When it comes to online dating, all of these services ask you to fill out a profile. They ask you a bunch of questions about yourself and who you’re looking for. Why do they ask you who you’re looking for? Two reasons: (1) so in their computer system, they can try to match you with someone they think you’ll get along with based on the information you fill out; and (2) so that others can match themselves to you based on what you’ve filled out.
Now, it’s the second reason that really bothers me the most when it comes to most men who date online. Why, you ask? Because, as with most everything else in life, you men just don’t pay attention to what we women have written or said. (It’s the same thing with asking directions – you just can’t seem to do it! What’s up with that?!) All you do is see a pretty face and you immediately respond. Even if the headline screams “Single Black Christian Female, 34, seeks Single Black Christian Male, 32-39” (by the way, not me, just an example), you guys – no matter who you are – if the photo is pretty, will respond – if you’re 22, 50, Latino, Jewish, Protestant, Asian, whatever! You just don’t bother to take into account what we’ve written or who we feel our perfect match is. And then you get defensive if/when we don’t respond by “stalking” us…constantly IM-ing us while we’re online or sending us unwanted emails or “teases”.
Well, I’m here to tell you once and for all – you’re not the shiznit that you think you are! And if you think you’re going to get our attention by annoying us to death, you’re not. Most of us know what we want and that’s why we’ve posted it. If you’re that dumb that you don’t take the time to read it, that’s your own damn fault, not ours. So take a moment, you’ve paid the membership dues to get a date, read what we’ve written. You might actually find the person you’re looking for, if you just pay a little attention.
And one last word of advice, this goes not just for online, but also when you’re in the relationship too. Pay attention – it goes a long way.
R-E-S-P-E-C-T! Here's what it means to me...
Yo, boys! LISTEN UP! And listen good! This article is about respect, respect for women. Yeah, you heard me right – RESPECT FOR WOMEN! You remember us, the fairer sex…I’m not talkin’ ‘bout yo’ momma, I’m talkin’ ‘bout the ones you get sex from? Yeah, I thought that would make you remember us!
Ok, now that I have your attention…I’ve got to tell you something that has been on my mind lately. And yeah, it’s all about respect, or rather, lack of it. It’s hard being a single woman today. You’ve got to have it all because society demands it – education, job, looks, friends, money in the bank, and a great social life to boot. But the one thing you don’t get to have because no one seems to demand it anymore is respect, especially from the men you date.
For example: I went on a date a few weeks ago with a guy I met online. (Yes, even this diva dates online.) I happened to have had passes to a new movie that was coming out soon, so I invited this guy to go with me. What the heck, I thought. It’s a free movie for him, so if we don’t hit it off immediately, we don’t have to speak to each other, and if we do hit it off, we can go for coffee or dinner after the movie and get to know each other better. (By the way, you should know that I’m not the type of girl who sleeps with a guy on the first date, but maybe on the second.)
So, we meet at the theater. And within 10 minutes after getting to our seats, he gets a phone call on his cell, apparently from someone in his office (now, mind you, it’s after 6 PM) saying how they desperately need him to come back and how the project can’t be finished without him. This conversation goes on for two plus minutes as he discusses back and forth with the person on the phone how he’s on a date and really doesn’t want to leave. Suddenly he hangs up, looks at me, says he’s sorry, and then says he’s got to go. After the conversation I just witnessed, there was no way I didn’t think he wasn’t going to leave! I couldn’t believe that he stayed so long already! He was so full of BS, I was about ready to kick him out myself! Even the person next to me couldn’t believe the conversation! Yup, you got it! I was a victim of a cell phone date scam!
But wait, it gets EVEN BETTER! I get an email from this jerk-off the next day tell me how it “wasn’t going to work out” (as if I couldn’t have figured that out myself!). He actually told me that I had “a lot to offer someone” (how would he know when he barely sat down long enough to get to know me?! All he read was a profile and had a 20-minute phone conversation with me!) and that I would “make someone very happy someday [he was] sure.” Then he went on to tell me that it “had nothing to do with looks specifically” and in the next breath said I looked nothing like my photo (which all of my friends and co-workers say that I look exactly like my photo). Regardless of all of these statements (and I’ll tell you what I said back to him in a moment), it’s the fact that he had the AUDACITY to even email me, to try to make himself feel better, after leaving a situation like that. THE WHOLE SITUATION SMACKED OF COMPLETE AND UTTER DISRESPECT! He couldn’t just tell me the truth from the beginning – that there was no chemistry, he wasn’t interested or that he really just didn’t want to stay. I’m a grown up, I can handle the truth. (And to be honest, I didn’t feel chemistry either!)
My response back to him was: “Thanks so much for emailing me. I’m so glad that you felt the need to make yourself feel better by trying to apologize to me for your sub-human behavior, especially after you did such a completely disgusting thing, leaving like that. I hope you feel like an utter asshole. Please know that I will inform as many women as I know of your email address with your photo so that they know NOT to go out with you, as I don’t want them to become a victim of your cell phone date scam either. Take care. And PS – I can’t imagine that you would be very good in bed with an ego your size.”
So men-children out there, and I know that there are plenty of you babies out there, PAY ATTENTION! RESPECT THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIVES – whether they are mothers, sisters, wives, girlfriends, friends, neighbors, whoever…You don’t want to be on the receiving end of an email response (from me or any other pissed off babe) like this…YOUR FRIENDS WILL FIND OUT! AND YOU WILL BE HUMILIATED! BE KIND TO EACH OTHER! ‘NUFF SAID!
Ok, now that I have your attention…I’ve got to tell you something that has been on my mind lately. And yeah, it’s all about respect, or rather, lack of it. It’s hard being a single woman today. You’ve got to have it all because society demands it – education, job, looks, friends, money in the bank, and a great social life to boot. But the one thing you don’t get to have because no one seems to demand it anymore is respect, especially from the men you date.
For example: I went on a date a few weeks ago with a guy I met online. (Yes, even this diva dates online.) I happened to have had passes to a new movie that was coming out soon, so I invited this guy to go with me. What the heck, I thought. It’s a free movie for him, so if we don’t hit it off immediately, we don’t have to speak to each other, and if we do hit it off, we can go for coffee or dinner after the movie and get to know each other better. (By the way, you should know that I’m not the type of girl who sleeps with a guy on the first date, but maybe on the second.)
So, we meet at the theater. And within 10 minutes after getting to our seats, he gets a phone call on his cell, apparently from someone in his office (now, mind you, it’s after 6 PM) saying how they desperately need him to come back and how the project can’t be finished without him. This conversation goes on for two plus minutes as he discusses back and forth with the person on the phone how he’s on a date and really doesn’t want to leave. Suddenly he hangs up, looks at me, says he’s sorry, and then says he’s got to go. After the conversation I just witnessed, there was no way I didn’t think he wasn’t going to leave! I couldn’t believe that he stayed so long already! He was so full of BS, I was about ready to kick him out myself! Even the person next to me couldn’t believe the conversation! Yup, you got it! I was a victim of a cell phone date scam!
But wait, it gets EVEN BETTER! I get an email from this jerk-off the next day tell me how it “wasn’t going to work out” (as if I couldn’t have figured that out myself!). He actually told me that I had “a lot to offer someone” (how would he know when he barely sat down long enough to get to know me?! All he read was a profile and had a 20-minute phone conversation with me!) and that I would “make someone very happy someday [he was] sure.” Then he went on to tell me that it “had nothing to do with looks specifically” and in the next breath said I looked nothing like my photo (which all of my friends and co-workers say that I look exactly like my photo). Regardless of all of these statements (and I’ll tell you what I said back to him in a moment), it’s the fact that he had the AUDACITY to even email me, to try to make himself feel better, after leaving a situation like that. THE WHOLE SITUATION SMACKED OF COMPLETE AND UTTER DISRESPECT! He couldn’t just tell me the truth from the beginning – that there was no chemistry, he wasn’t interested or that he really just didn’t want to stay. I’m a grown up, I can handle the truth. (And to be honest, I didn’t feel chemistry either!)
My response back to him was: “Thanks so much for emailing me. I’m so glad that you felt the need to make yourself feel better by trying to apologize to me for your sub-human behavior, especially after you did such a completely disgusting thing, leaving like that. I hope you feel like an utter asshole. Please know that I will inform as many women as I know of your email address with your photo so that they know NOT to go out with you, as I don’t want them to become a victim of your cell phone date scam either. Take care. And PS – I can’t imagine that you would be very good in bed with an ego your size.”
So men-children out there, and I know that there are plenty of you babies out there, PAY ATTENTION! RESPECT THE WOMEN IN YOUR LIVES – whether they are mothers, sisters, wives, girlfriends, friends, neighbors, whoever…You don’t want to be on the receiving end of an email response (from me or any other pissed off babe) like this…YOUR FRIENDS WILL FIND OUT! AND YOU WILL BE HUMILIATED! BE KIND TO EACH OTHER! ‘NUFF SAID!
Cell Phone Courtesy at the Movies
Ok, here’s a shout out to all the men and women in the room – TURN OFF YOUR DAMN CELL PHONES WHEN YOU’RE IN THE MOVIE THEATER!
Have I made my point loud and clear yet? This is about common courtesy. Let me start out by saying, I didn’t pay $11 to hear you have a conversation with your buddies. Nor did I come to see it light up in the dark when it rings or you go to check the time! I came to see a freakin’ movie, ok?! This is not your goddamn livin’ room! You wanna talk during a movie, go and rent something from Blockbuster or on pay-per-view!
It’s bad enough that I have to go and have the six-foot guy always sitting in front of me, even when I arrive early (it happens every single time!). But do I really need to hear what happened last night when you and your buddies got up in someone’s face at the local bar and before it got all messed up, your boy stepped in and broke it up? Puh-lease! Save it for when you get out of the theater, when you go for dinner after or when you get home. I can honestly tell you that the rest of the theater and I would really appreciate it!
Unless of course, you’d like to pay each and every one of us back the $11 dollars we spent on our tickets since we’re spending most of our time listening to you; or better yet let us participate in your conversation instead of watching the movie. That might be more entertaining. Do you have a speaker phone so we can all listen in and hear the other end of the call – or can you just turn up the volume super loud?!
Now, if you’re that bored in the movie that you need to check the time, maybe you shouldn’t have gone to that movie, maybe you should just leave, or maybe it’s time for a new watch, don’tcha think?!
I don’t have control over what you do in the privacy of your own home (go for whatever you want!), but in public places, can’t we all just get along?! CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
Have I made my point loud and clear yet? This is about common courtesy. Let me start out by saying, I didn’t pay $11 to hear you have a conversation with your buddies. Nor did I come to see it light up in the dark when it rings or you go to check the time! I came to see a freakin’ movie, ok?! This is not your goddamn livin’ room! You wanna talk during a movie, go and rent something from Blockbuster or on pay-per-view!
It’s bad enough that I have to go and have the six-foot guy always sitting in front of me, even when I arrive early (it happens every single time!). But do I really need to hear what happened last night when you and your buddies got up in someone’s face at the local bar and before it got all messed up, your boy stepped in and broke it up? Puh-lease! Save it for when you get out of the theater, when you go for dinner after or when you get home. I can honestly tell you that the rest of the theater and I would really appreciate it!
Unless of course, you’d like to pay each and every one of us back the $11 dollars we spent on our tickets since we’re spending most of our time listening to you; or better yet let us participate in your conversation instead of watching the movie. That might be more entertaining. Do you have a speaker phone so we can all listen in and hear the other end of the call – or can you just turn up the volume super loud?!
Now, if you’re that bored in the movie that you need to check the time, maybe you shouldn’t have gone to that movie, maybe you should just leave, or maybe it’s time for a new watch, don’tcha think?!
I don’t have control over what you do in the privacy of your own home (go for whatever you want!), but in public places, can’t we all just get along?! CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?
